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Nov. 12th, 2013

haven't been around

haven't been around here much lately. Was kind of busy for a while. I believe I am feeling inspired to come back and journal... Soon. Very soon. It may be time.

Oct. 11th, 2011

Citizen Jane Film Festival Videology


I really have to share this, what an amazing evening! I absolutely love being a part of the Hulagans and being able to experience these events.

Aug. 26th, 2011

middle school blues and some good too

Warning this is a long post, I do not know how to cut some of it off like some of you do. Sorry...

So last night my daughter was really depressed, doing the average teenager thing that I used to do when I was feeling blue.
Sigh... plop on the couch...sigh...plop on the pillow. I'm fine... sigh...
Finally after a bit of probing I got her to talk. She had such a bad day yesterday. As she was walking to the school bus, a kid yelled "french horn, ugly face" out the window at her. Then during band, a boy she had a crush on last year.
Same boy she cried her eyes out over for the first time. Told her that she sucked at playing the french horn.

These extra sensitive teenage years are getting difficult. I think they are going to break me. It is so hard to not go to these other kids and give them a big what for. grr... it is frustrating.

Then we started talking about how she should start practicing a little more, just to brush up from not practicing all summer, this way she could gain her confidence back. I told her she should practice 20 mins a day for the next few weeks. It would also be good since she got a new french horn this year that has an additional key, so she will need to learn how to work with it.
She told me that it was hard for her to practice at her dad's house, that she feels like she is being too loud. That it is hard for her to tell her step bro and sis that she needs to study, that she is the only one there with them most of the time.

This made me step back and wonder, she is there to visit with her dad. Not to babysit for him and his wife. She should be allowed to study while she is there, her education is most important. I told her that she needs to tell them that she needs to study and practice. I am planning on calling her step mom (since I do not speak to her dad) and asking her to please set aside time for Heaven to study. We will see how that works.

Ok, well enough talking about that, in other news the boyfriend comes home on Sunday, I will be so very happy to see him, he has been gone for 2 weeks for training.
This next week I finally get caught up on bills. This has been the summer of all work and no play. I already have every weekend in september booked and October is nearly full as well. I am ready for it! I need to play, I cannot wait.

Also I am soon starting a new project: outfitting the boyfriend and all of his squires in household, fighting garb. For those of you who have seen the gambison I made for Dongal last year, or have ever seen his arms, you know it is covered in ermine spots and very, um, shall we say "noticable" in fact you can find him across a fighting field no problem. Well we are talking about covering all of his squires in the arms as well. A party colored half his arms/half theirs, crusader thing. This should be fun. I will post pics and keep you all updated on the process. This project is the reason I did not sign up for the artisan swap this time around.
I believe once it is all complete I might make myself a matching bliaut... we shall see what comes of it.
Ok I guess I should get back to work.

Aug. 16th, 2011

a new school year

School starts here on Thursday, my daughter is starting the 8th grade. I remember starting the 8th grade. It was so different for me, I was such a different person than she is, which is a very good thing. I was always one of the smarter students, but I wanted so very much to be one of the popular ones too, which made for some very poor decisions in my young life. I am so happy that my daughter is smarter than that. I am so happy that she is focused on her studies and people who she knows are her friends. I think that her time at Joseph Baldwin Academy (JBA) helped her so much. I know that she went through a hard time last year when she let her crush on a boy go bad. It was the first time I had to lay in bed and listen to my daughter cry her eyes out. Now after JBA she knows that it’s not all about boys and the popular girls. I know she will go through heart ache again someday, we all do, but at least she is going into a very pivotal year in her schooling with her eyes open to the future. I hope she stays on this path.

Aug. 9th, 2011

new job blues

Having a new job is great, I know for a fact it will pay off eventually. But I am truly missing events right now. :-(  
Soon, I will be back. September... This summer is testing my patience, utterly completely.

Jul. 28th, 2011

cherry juice, thai food and bday

 Tues was the boyfriends 45th bday. Being the extremely poor person that I am I could not afford to buy a gift, or take him out to eat. So I asked him what he would like for dinner. Getting him to make a choice was almost like pulling teeth. Finally Monday evening, when it was too late to go shopping for ingredients he decided he wanted cherry pie instead of cake. I had never made a cherry pie before, but I have made apple pies and I have an amazing pie crust recipe. So I figured "how hard can it be?" I still hadn't been able to pin him down on a dinner yet but I had a pie to plan for. So about 9pm I got online to look up recipes and found this one that used tapioca as the thickening agent for the filling. I decided to go with it. 

2lbs fresh cherries
1 c sugar
1/4 tsp vanilla
1/4 tsp almond extract
1/8 tsp salt
4 Tbsp quick cooking tapioca

mix it all. let it set for 20 min while you make your crust, fill and bake for 40 min. First mistake I made was not being able to make the pie a day in advance, or atleast early in the morning. It had a great taste, but was soupy when we went to eat it. 
I believe I will use the recipe again someday, but I do think I need more time to prepare. Wish the boyfriend would have told me earlier. I do not really like last minute preparations.
As for the dinner itself. Since the birthday boy would not tell me what he wanted me to cook, I started searching online for his favorite thai food recipe. Pork Basil Fried Rice. I found a great recipe here http://www.thaifoodtonight.com/thaifoodtonight/recipes-YOUTUBEBasilFriedRice.htm 
finding the chilies and sauces for the recipe were the hardest part. But if you are a fan of thai food, I recommend this site. Just watch the video on the link. It was very easy to prepare, and I figure you can up or lower the chili content to adjust the heat of your food. 
Over all I believe the dinner went well, REALLY wish I would have had more time to prepare. 
On a really good note, I get to pick up my beautiful little girl tomorrow night. I cannot wait. I miss her so much. 

May. 7th, 2011

Cooper's Landing

 Spent the day out by the river, at Cooper's Landing. What a truly beautiful place to be. If you ever have the chance to go out there you should really check it out. 
The road down to Cooper's is the Ashland exit off 63. It's a winding road, through valleys and over hills, with tree canopies most of the way to the river. At a certain point the road follows one of the tributaries that lead to the Missouri. Then you arrive at this general store campsite area. There was live music all day with other Hulagans there to play with. The river is right there, we were hooping out on the docks. So much fun. Anytime I can make it down there I sure will.

Was going to stay until dark to spin some fire, but the mosquitoes started biting and I forgot my bug spray, so until next time. 

May. 6th, 2011


 I'm not sure how many of you know this, but I have chosen to go into environmental studies. My major is in Business Administration, minor in Environmental Studies, why? well I certainly had no idea why I was majoring in Business Administration for the longest time. When I went back to school I was at a point in my life when I knew I needed to do something, so I went for the generic Business degree. I figured at least it was a start.
It wasn't until last year that I realized where my passion in education really was, and where I knew I could find continued work happiness. I know I am not going to be a scientist by any means, but just working in the Environmental industry, helping to make the planet a better place, even if it is just on the clerical side of the business, is where I want to be. So in my studies I came across this conclusion in my Business Ethics class. I want to share it with you.


These then are my three arguments about why we consume too much: we are locked into a "cycle of work and spend," we have failed to value the earth's capital, and consuming has become a means to social esteem and belonging. In the process, we are undermining our quality of life. We fail to take enough leisure, and live excessively busy and stressful lives. We are poisoning the planet. And we find ourselves needing to earn too much money or going into debt, or getting stressed out by the rapid rise in consumer norms. Community, security, and the peace of mind that comes from having reached a state of sufficiency are increasingly elusive.
The standard economic analysis sees precious little of this. More is always better. Individuals will act in their interest to avoid these traps. Collective action failures or externalities are rarely more than small problems. Similarly, the consumer critics have failed to understand the structural dynamics that make consuming a rational choice for the individual, even if it is an irrational one for society as a while. They take an excessively dim view of people's abilities to act well for themselves. And they underestimate how important consumption can be in a society organized around it. But they are certainly right, that excessive consumption has become a serious problem--from the stand point of our daily lives, our ethical obligations to others around the world. from the stand point of the earth and its sacred bounty. 
In recent year, increasing numbers of Americans have come to these and similar conclusions. They are individually escaping "the cycle of work and spend," by down shifting (working less and spending less). They are joining the emerging voluntary simplicity movement, living modestly, volunteering their time, spending their days doing the things they are passionate about. They are joining study groups in their workplace and churches. Some are even organizing an anti-consumerist movement, participating in Buy-Nothing Day (the Friday after Thanksgiving) or designing sub-vertising (anti-ads which turn the tools of advertising and marketing against itself). They are protesting corporate globalization of the economy. They are joining organic farms and drinking shade grown coffee. They are riding bicycles. And they are opposing the corporate co-optation of their lifestyle, as the Gap, Honda, Starbucks and Time-Warner try to make money selling "simplicity" as the latest hop consumer trend. 
But they (we) need more Americans to join. The domination of the consumer culture remains impressive, and as patriotic appeals to consume have become common... since Sept. 11, we should resist the temptation to run to the mall. Instead, let us take this very painful but special time to step back and ask some fundamental questions. Why do we consume so much? What are the effects of that consumption? And how can we create a community that respects the earth, respects each and every human being upon it, and truly meets human needs?"(Shaw, William; Barry, Vincent; Moral Issues in Business 11th Edition; 2010, Wadsworth Cengage Learning)
What does this mean to you?

Apr. 1st, 2011

(no subject)

WooHoo! it's friday night and I get to stay home, eat yummy left overs, read, sew, watch tv, or nothing if I want! it has been so long since i just sat here in my comfy stretch clothes and loaf! it's exciting :-)

So let me catch up on a few things, my last post... sorry to have exposed you all to all of that, it was a really hard thing for me, but an amazing evening came from it. All of the first cousins and their children spent the night at Santa Monica pier. All of us who loved our Auntie so much, celebrated with our kids. It was the perfect way to spend the evening. We ran from the waves together on the shore, got on roller coasters, watched a seal swim and beg for food, dig our toes in the sand, but most important of all, we all laughed and smiled and loved one another. I am so happy to have had that experience, I am so over joyed that my daughter and all of her cousins got to meet each other. My daughter is always so amazed by the size of our immense family. She loves, loves, loves it! And of course she wants to move back to California... crazy kid.

After the whirlwind day and a half trip to Cali, we flew back into stl, where the most awesome boyfriend picked us up and we drove down to Memphis on our way to Gulf Wars. Man was I beat by the time we got to Memphis. Sleeping in that hotel bed was a godsend. Almost felt like the best nights sleep ever! 

Gulf was awesome as always, I had some absolutely wonderful water-bearers who came out and worked their tails off to water our fighters. My daughter went to her first foreign war.She absolutely adored it! Every moment! although at first she was worried about meeting other kids. But eventually if I couldn't find her i know she must be with the triplets. They were such funny little girls. She also spent a good amount of her time at scribes point. Even taking a few classes. 
I absolutely love being the girlfriend at war, :-D :-D :-D, I know, it can be sickening if you are not into that type of stuff. We hosted the first annual "BACONISTA" under our shade fly! Over 30 lbs of bacon: bacon wrapped shrimp, bacon wrapped jalapeño poppers, bacon wrapped asparagus, bacon wrapped melon, bacon wrapped smoked oysters, bacon wrapped chicken livers, bananas fried in bacon grease, bacon toast, ... and I can't even think of what else. It was quite the event, we had 6 burners going, four cooks, people serving in the pavilion. It was truly amazing. I think we broke Calontir, for the evening, on bacon... Apparently we are supposed to do this again next year. I say it sounds like an awesome plan! 
One night during Gulf, Calontir went up to Amahala and represented! It is so fun to invade the middle eastern tent with our period dancing styles, and our period garb! we rock! our hips that is. I think what I found the most fun about it, is that I finally have period Persian garb, and I am getting a lot more comfortable with my dancing. Not being so shy about who is watching me, or if i'm doing it right. That's the good thing about going to classes throughout the year. 
So, on Thurs of Gulf the boyfriend had to go back to MO for drill. I did still have fun, but it was just not the same. So as soon as battles were over on Sat, Duncan and I started to pack up. I had not prepacked anything the day before, nor had Duncan, so it took us for freaken ever to get packed up. Then Duncan decided he wanted to drive straight home, then proceeded to not be able to stay focused on driving. Boy was that a long night.
Then I was home, it was over, what a whirlwind that whole week and a half were. I can tell you that I will never actually plan a trip to Cali and Gulf Wars consecutively. Back to school for both Heaven and I. Back to homework and house cleaning. Fun, fun, fun...

Mar. 1st, 2011

Heart Ache

This last weekend started so fantastic. I got a weekend away with the boyfriend, we got to drive out alone. Which I so enjoy because there is always much better conversation when we are having private conversations. We arrived in St. Charles to stay with James of Doncaster who always opens up his home to us with great kindness. We pulled in the drive at the same time as Xandre and Cordelia, Duncan, Juliana, and Cecily pulled in right behind us. We all must have been on the highway together and not even seen each other, which is strange considering we all have Calontir stickers on our vehicles. Isibel and Mathieu were already there, we hung out and drank, finished last minute sewing projects for the next day, talked, laughed, everyone enjoying each other's company. We didn't make it to bed until 4 am, which is very normal for the fun we have hanging out with friends at James of D's. It is always such a good time, James is such a gracious host.
Morning came, we all got ready and made our way to site with the help of gps, which is a godsend! I need to get one for myself. Parking at events in Three Rivers is always interesting. We drove as close as we could to the door to unload all the gear. In the process of unloading my phone rang, it was my older brothers ringtone, I let it go to voicemail, figured he would leave a message or call back if it was important. The boyfriend went to park the truck and with arms full of gear getting ready to walk into site the phone rang again. Again it was my brother. I answered it.
Friends, I warn you now this is not a happy post, it is full of my sorrow. There was a death in the family and I am going to pour my heart out so go back now if you do not want to hear my sadness.

My Auntie Phyllis, My optimistic, confident, loving, heart warming, calm in the center of a storm Auntie Phyllis. My auntie who loved the Beatles. Who wished she could live at Disneyland, even had a disney themed wedding.  My Auntie who never drank unless it was a sip of champagne for a toast, who took us as children to the movies when no one else could ever afford it. Who would sing Princess songs, or somewhere over the rainbow, who believed in Fairy tales and made us all think they were possible when she found her own prince. She didn't wake up. 
She was diabetic. She had that one fault, she let her self go too far, and it ravaged her body. It won.
And there I was, at the door to the event. I walked back out side. My eyes were welling up. My boyfriend was parking the truck. I could not find a place to hide. People were coming in from all directions. My brother hung up so he could call my sisters. I stood there feeling lost. The boyfriend came back. Saw the look on my face and asked, I told him, he held me. People were still coming in from everywhere. 
He asked if I wanted to leave, I said no. What was I going to do if I left? Sit and mope and cry alone somewhere? My family is in California, what could I have done at that moment that would have made anything better? No, I couldn't leave. No I would just put it in the back of my mind for today. There is nothing I can do.
Although it was difficult, I managed to pretend for the most part that it was nothing was wrong. I just ignored it. Every little while my eyes would well up, but for the most part it was fine. It hadn't really hit me yet. I talked with friends about anything and everything, we laughed and hung out. I hung out at two of my great friends vigil's and wandered down to the sub basement to watch my boyfriend win Chieftains, while wearing my favor. My best friend got a year and a day trial with her soon to be Laurel. I drank delicious rum in front of court and help instigate the wave that then began to spread all throughout court. I learned that being a bad kid in front of court out of sight of the crown might be a new trend. I witnessed two great friends become peers. I went back to James of D's, made spaghetti. We went to post, I drank, I laughed, I sang, I got much enjoyed PDA from the boyfriend. I started to cry when a song called out, "when I die let there be revelry". I swallowed the tears. Went to bed, had a beautiful scenic drive to the boyfriends, tried to call people, tears came swift when I tried to call my uncle and my Auntie's voice greeted me on their voicemail. No one answered any call I made. Looked a little at FB from my phone. Again tears came when I started to see the dedications. Quickly turned my phone off. The boyfriend was being really sweet, but I knew once I started to let it out, it wasn't going to stop. 
The next morning I came home, to my silent little apt. I opened up my laptop, logged on to FB and started to read. 
My cousin Nadine was my Auntie Phyllis' god daughter. All the songs she could remember being sung by my Auntie were sprawled all over her page, each one with dedications, pictures of my Auntie laughing, dancing, singing, enjoying every moment of her life. All there.
All my cousins, sisters, brothers, Aunt, Uncle everyone's pages were covered with pictures and songs. There was no stopping the sadness. It all came flooding out. 
My brother's post from Sat, he had a dream friday night that my mom, who passed away in 2003, was so excited and telling her friends that her girlfriend she loved so much was coming to live with her. 
My aunt saying that she could see my Auntie up in Heaven singing spanish songs, while my mom was dancing and my grandpa was playing the spoons. 
My cousin saying that the gates of heaven opened up and welcomed its newest angel. 
An Uncle speaking her praises and saying if only we could all walk the walk and talk the talk that she did. 
In a family of people who mean well, but are usually highly self centered and self destructive, my Auntie was the only true role model for us. She was independent, confident, optimistic, stood up for her beliefs. She educated herself, and found a loving none abusive man to marry. A man who loved her truly unconditionally. Unconditional love is something that no other man in my family has ever exhibited. She did not settle for less. 
Never again will I hear my Auntie call me her Glamour Gal or Angel. Never again will I see her light up when she sees us. But always will I remember her true love. Always will I remember everything that she showed me and taught me with her heart and her soul. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for loving us.
To all of my friends, if you are diabetic, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE! Do what every you have to do to stay healthy. Diabetes claimed my Grandpa in 1995,  my Mommy in 2003 and my Auntie in 2011. 
I don't know where the afterlife is, but I do believe it is a better place than this one we all call home. I am happy you are no longer in pain Auntie. I am happy you are now with my Mommy and Grandpa. You can see again, you can walk, you can dance, and laugh without being tired. I will miss you dearly. I will love you for ever...

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